Flimsy Foundation
Mood:  blue
This is where we enter into my life. Right in the middle... To know where all of my emotional 'over-flowing toilet' issues come from you'd probably have to know where I'm coming from. I had a normal childhood I guess. I hated school because I was always bored. I always wanted to go out and do things that made more sense than sitting inside wasting time listening to a very boring person tell me about something equally as boring and with much less enthusiasm. My grades were alright. Favourite subjects were English, Drama, and Biology. Favourite sports are many but to name a few, soccer, swimming, and gymnastics. Always thought that I was fat. I weighed 97lbs at age 12. And I thought that I was fat. There is something seriously disturbed with a child who could think something like that about herself. I blame the media. Other kids never made fun of me so I don't know why it was an issue for me. But kids can be mean in other ways. At that age you want to trust everyone and be everyone's friend. So naturally when you get mocked and ostracized for no reason, naturally you start to question yourself. You think maybe you do things wrong. Maybe you should act differently and that way they might like you. You go to sleep every night thinking about what you could say to someone who was verbally picking on you incessantly. I worried about it everyday. That someone was going to say something to me that I didn't provoke. I'd give anything to go back and change it all. Use my knowledge that I have now. But it doesn't work like that I guess. Why look back? We have to learn from it. We're stronger for it. Highschool started off as a bitch but then it got better. It got better as I slowly stopped caring what other people thought of me. I made some friends, good friends that I hope I keep for life. My self image never really got better, in fact it got worse with every pound I gained. I don't get it. And even worse, I want to be an actor. Go figure.
Let's see...My father drives me mental. I mean the way he treats us all. It's different for everyone but we all get feeble comments directed towards us (more often than we can handle) that send us into torrents of emotion. Not really sure how to deal with it all. I'm pretty sure that he has some kind of chemical imbalance in his brain that makes him act that way. And he's too f*ck*d up to even see that he causes us pain. He's so f*ck*d that he would never admit that there was something wrong with him long enough to seek help. He believes that he is normal and therefore it continues on. Just as it has this past age. That is my current issue right now. That and of course the need to lose weight for my chosen profession. What can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment...
~A.K.~